We leave water aside for a while to talk about other type of love scenes, of those that leave us frozen or that send shivers down our spines. Today, it’s the turn of other clichés: the abandoned houses, the farms and the stables. We don’t know which the romantic thing about them is; maybe that they’re gloomy and dusty, because I don’t see anything else…

In fact, the love scenes we selected are not bad, they might even be good or very good as love scenes, but independently of the romanticism of the story, we still think that those places don’t have the special charm to get it on.

“Amor En Custodia”

The scene is beautiful, though that distinction of “yes, we had sex but I made love with you” is pure literature. Beyond the dialog subject, you may say what you want, but straw itches, and not only in the moment, but it still itches a while later, and if something itches me I cannot concentrate or be where I have to be, I get distracted. The straw problem can be solved with a blanket, but then what would really distract me for hours would be the third party, and I’m not talking about the cuckold husband, but the horse! And there’s a very important topic, which is never considered in telenovelas… what about the smell?

“Cosita Rica”

We commented on this scene previously, precisely to talk about this resource that many scriptwriters use for the protagonists to make love for the first time. We like the scene precisely because of that, because they explain the resource. But, as at its moment we talked well about the scene, now we won’t, now it’s the time to criticize some points. The first, the curtain that Diego grabs (Rafael Novoa) so that Paula C. (Fabiola Colmenares) wraps herself up… cough, cough, cough… sorry for coughing but the dust from the curtain reached me. That place is squalid, and they get in there, as if nothing, they don’t even remove the dust from the mattress… I don’t know, either I’m obsessed with cleaning or when desire gains territory in telenovelas.… Here I found you, so here I take you.

Leaving aside the detail about the straw, they don’t have any idea how much bedbugs sting! How hot Novoa is, dear God!

“Juana, La Virgen”

In this telenovela, there are many scenes of abandoned houses or partly inhabited houses, but the one we chose is because it’s the first time between Mauricio and Juana. We love this telenovela, but every time we see this scene I stay staring out for a while, trying to guess what on earth those white things are, which are at the bottom of the bed – Is it rumble? Food? I don’t know what that is and it prevents me from concentrating in the rest of the scene.

Another thing that worries me is the mosquito net hanging on top of the bed, which I don’t find romantic but rather a nuisance, and besides if the house is abandoned it must be really dusty. The thing is, they put the chimney on and they closed the mosquito net; are there mosquitoes when it’s cold? It’s funny when Juana says “I’ve never felt like this before for anybody”, come on, neither did I! It’s not that I specially like Mauricio, but Ricardo Alamo is a hunk (as you see, I’m not very faithful to my loved ones, I like Novoa, Alamo, Arana; of course, what I feel for each of them is unique).

Lastly, did you notice how small the bed is? Is it the 80 cm. one? I think it’s 60 cm. Do 60 cm. beds exist? Maybe it’s a folding bed, I don’t know, but what I know is that it’s impossible to be comfortable there. Besides the bed seems to be square, not rectangular.

“Luz Maria”

Lucecita and Gustavo also have their passionate night in an abandoned and filthy house, in this case, comfort is worsened because of the storm and because they are both soaked. The ones that saw this telenovela, don’t you think that Angie Cepeda puts some very odd faces when she makes out with Christian? It’s as if she doesn’t like him - so lend him to us! Leaving aside the question that Christian Meier is one of those actors who, due to his physique, is very difficult to say ‘But’, Gustavo is dense. Who would think about starting to touch up in those very unfavorable circumstances? And when they get red handed, pay attention because here there’s no blanket or anything, the poor Luz Maria is on the bare floor, onto the mud. Why don’t you go underneath, gentleman?

Don’t miss this metaphor: she loses the flower that was in her hair, which later gets stamped on. Luz Maria loses her flower and her honor…

“El Cuerpo Del Deseo”

And to finish, the most uncomfortable love scene ever. It’s not an abandoned and filthy house full of bugs, but for the purpose it’s the same, or even worse, because straw may itch, but mud itches and scratches. But that is the least, because I really doubt that Isabel and Salvador can take their clothes off there, the bottom part of their clothes, I mean. In the end, this is a love scene without love, since Salvador doesn’t love Isabel, and a sex scene without sex. All the self-help manuals say that people have sex on their minds, so maybe this is that.